First of all, let me clarify that my dog was not adopted & has been raised by myself since she was a puppy so there was no previous abuse. She is my 1st actual pet & her name is Charlie & she is about 5 years old, so yes she was around before my boyfriend. When I first got her I did a lot of research on how to train her and the things I found were very successful, such as, how to housebreak a dog (which took surprisingly no time at all), positive reinforcement, & most importantly how to train your dog how to behave around all types of people. In order to make her comfortable around people I exposed her from the very start to people of different sexes & ethnicities, groups of people, and various ages (so she would be comfortable around my toddler nieces & nephews). To me it seemed this training worked because she loved to have company and would go up to any person male or female. I actually think that she liked my male friends more. She was also great with the toddlers she would let them chase her then turn around and chase them and never harm them & they love her. Whenever I see my nieces and nephews they always ask me where’s Charlie? She still behaves well around others & gladly approaches them, even complete strangers. The trouble started about 3 1/2 years ago when I started dating my current boyfriend. At first, she acted totally normal around him, for example, she would play with him, sit in his lap, etc. I think the real problem began when she realized that my boyfriend was not going anywhere when we moved in together. Ever since then, she has acted terrified of him & I don’t know why it happened since they hit it off at 1st. She cowers & trembles if he gets too close to her (which usually isn’t on purpose, he gives her the space she needs). Sometimes it seems like she’s trying purposefully to get him in trouble like a doggy tattletale. For example, when this first began & still to this day, whenever she would walk past my boyfriend she would make a yelping sound and run past him especially if I was in another room to make me think he hurt her. Every time I have caught her doing that my boyfriend was no where near her, sitting down, or in what I think is a non-threatening position. I do not comfort her when she behaves this way as it is not appropriate. The situation is so bad that she will not even allow my bf to open the door to let her outside to go potty but she will still sleep in the bed with us just not near him. I feel like we’ve tried a lot of things like having my bf feed her & give her treats but this has not worked! I mean she would eat the food & take the treats but still has nothing to do with him!! The situation is so bad that I cannot even leave her with my bf when I have to go out of town for work because like I said she won’t go outside for him! My mother usually is the one that ends up having to watch my dog when I’m out of town. Which is fine because my mother loves Charlie but she shouldn’t have to do that I would prefer for her to be comfortable at home with my bf. If my BF gets home from work before I do, then he opens her kennel door for her so she can come out & play in the house but instead she cowers in the open cage like she is in trouble until I get home then comes out. I don’t think that my bf has ever harmed her when I wasn’t around but I wouldn’t know if I wasn’t there. He knows I have a certain way of disciplining her & respects that so he’s never done any disciplining that I’ve seen nor do I think he wants to since the situation is already out of hand. He is unhappy about the situation as much as I am because he wants her to be happy too. It really bums us out. Especially since other dogs seem to love him. I wonder if it all boils down to jealousy. She’s not super overprotective of me like some dogs are. I try to give her the same amount of attention & keep to her routine. I do NOT use any physical punishment, if she does something bad I tell her to go to her room/kennel (with the door open) & she stays there until I call her back from what I call “time out.” Why is she acting like this & how can we stop this from happening? She’s my baby and my BF & I want us 3 to be a happy family! Please, please help!!!
So, there are just so many things wrong about your understanding of how a dog’s mind works in your description that I barely know where to start. Dogs don’t purposefully try to get humans into trouble like a tattletale. They are not that evolved.
The points that you have made indicate to me that this dog is truly afraid of the boyfriend – some thing he did years ago convinced her that she should be worried about him, and that has snowballed to what you see today. It may have been something as innocent as he stepped on her toes by accident. Dogs read body language and facial expressions better than we humans – and something as small as a look at her could compound her fear.
This is a very frustrating situation for you, and for the BF – you are both probably giving off negative energy without knowing it! She is picking up on the human frustration and it will only get worse if you don’t get some professional help.
And NOTHING you can do will solve this problem. It is a matter between your BF and your dog. So, you need to find a behaviorist that will come to your home and work with you, the BF and the dog. The behaviorist will be able to observe the dog and how you both interact with her and help you all find solutions to correct the situation. It is going to be a matter of your BF building trust with the dog. And since we can’t be there to watch the interaction, this forum isn’t going to be of much help other than by pointing you to professional, in-the-home, aid.
So, find someone that does positive training that can come to your home, and that you and your BF like so you can help your girl have the life she deserves – comfortable in her own home.
Thank you very much for your advice PK Dennis. I would love to have a behavioral therapist come to our home but the facts are even if I could find one in the immediate area, I couldn’t afford one hence the forum. Also PK, if you really want to help pet owners you probably shouldn’t start off with an insult or people are not likely to take your advice seriously. I’ve obviously stated that I’ve done extensive research on the topic as indicated in the post. I have seen other forums where advice was given & was lead to believe PAWBLY was one that might actually help. I am quite aware that dogs aren’t evolved enough to “tattletale” & that you can’t be here to see my dog’s behavior that’s why I described my dog’s actions. I have never done a forum before & if I wasn’t desperate I wouldn’t have come here. I am very aware that dogs since emotions & energies. Since neither the bf or pet are going anywhere anytime soon I need advice even if you cannot offer anything else. I’m specifically looking for people who have gone through similar situations & could offer any suggestions that helped in their personal situation that we could try!
Good luck with that – you need a trainer/behaviorist. Three and a half years – you haven’t solved it by now, you aren’t the going to be able to solve it on your own. Offer to barter with a trainer – clean Thier house, clean their kennel, what ever it takes to get the eyes and hands on help your dog needs to feel secure in her own home.
A dogs only going to be terrified of someone if that someone has hurt the dog id rethink thinking it’s the dog and not leave the boyfriend around the dog unsupervised
Well I have found 1 behavioral therapist in my area & she’s still an hour away. It’s pretty expensive since she’s like the only one in this area but I’ve emailed her in hopes of a barter. From what I’ve read she does in home therapy but I don’t know if she’ll drive this far. I feel like if I take my dog to her it may not work as well. It would feel like a trip to the vet for her, she would smell the fear and start shaking & shedding. Wish me luck! On a better note, when I told my partner my wish to have an a behavioral therapist come to our home to help them I feel like he’s made more of an effort to earn the dog’s trust. I feel like when I told him I posted on this forum for help it really struck home to him that I don’t just want to have to deal with the situation I want it to be better. I don’t know why posting for help is any different than our talks about the situation prior to my posting but whatever. Maybe he doesn’t want a stranger in our home. Oh well, that’s a temporary fear, my price, & a possible end to my Charlie’s fear!!! I’ve noticed some improvements since then! The two have been playing for sure whereas before she wouldn’t come near him & yesterday she came up to him! Granted it was no lap call but she let him pet her. I just feel like if he’s more onboard with the idea it will work better. I mean for a while I feel he had given up on mending their relationship. I think what scares her the most is bf’s voice he would never intentionally harm her. He talk too loud because he’s had a lot of hearing loss from his time in Iraq. We’ve been working on that in the meantime too & it helps but it is hard for him to know when his tone gets louder. I’m happier with the results so far but foster hopes that the therapist will understand & barter to come to our home.